So right now I have a manuscript out on submission, and one that has just gone through another round of revisions prior to being submitted, and I’m about 10,000 words in on a new book.
This book scares me.
I’m still at my dithering point (the beginning) where I go in and write a 1000 words or so, or move a few words around. I’m not committing fully yet. I’m still playing with it. As if I’m a cat approaching a frog and I’m not sure if it’s going to bite me or kiss me.
This is usually how it is with me. And that’s OK. I like this flirtation phase. We are taking each other’s measure, this new book idea and I. And it makes it easier for me to get involved especially as it is the 4th manuscript I am getting to know in a period of about 2 years. I don’t think I’ve taken more than a month off of writing in all that time.
But the dancing around is a bit more pronounced this time and I finally figured out, it’s because I am terrified of writing this particular story.
It feels big to me.
The world I have created feels boundless.
The characters are very close to my heart.
I felt this same sort of panic while I was writing FIERCE (this is the book currently out on submission).
I almost feel ill. It’s as if I owe it to the characters not to eff it up. And right now, at the beginning there is much potential for making some wrong choices.
And the fact is, some books I write feel more important to me than others. I don’t love them any less, but the intensity is different. This one feels intense, and mixed in with the excitement is some worry.
I know I’ll get over it. I did with FIERCE but it required stepping back a little and looking at the words, and the structure of it, and trying not to feel everything so much.
And it required plenty of these things:
How do YOU deal with writing anxiety?