Currently I find myself in an awkward position. After months of feeling angry and hurt I’ve decided to forgive the person who injured me and forget the events which led up to this.
Although when it happened I announced that I would never forgive I’ve realized 120 days later that I’m only hurting myself, and that holding onto a ball of spite and venom and righteous injury is hardly a good way to go through life. Life’s too short, blah blah blah.
I have never thought of myself as a vindictive person although I do have a strong sense of justice so when I think that has been breached I am filled with rage and a burning desire to make things right again.
Hey, sometimes you just can’t. Not to mention that my idea of right may certainly not be someone else’s idea of right.
I am trying to explain this at the moment to my very fair-minded 7 year old who holds a grudge with all the energy of a vendetta-wielding Sicilian. He is fully capable of bringing up some tiny thing that happened when he was 3 and using it as a basis for lengthy argument.
I try to cleave to the idea of trying to hurt as few things as possible while I am here and that includes the tiny ants who have decided that my desk is their ideal environment and my computer keypad their playground. Although they keep disappearing into small crevices between the keys I will not squash them. At least not on purpose.
Not to be a wet blanket martyr type but sometimes crap happens to the best of people. You can take it all so personally- which you probably wouldn’t do unless you (like me) had some vague belief/hope that everything revolves around you-or you can shrug it off and continue on.
Agent rejections, publisher rejections, edits, bad reviews though not as awful as a betrayal by someone you love are still pretty painful. I think the same remedy is in order. Forgive and forget. Move on. 
Growing a thick skin is not as impossible as it may appear at the beginning of your career. I certainly don’t have rhino hide on my back but I’m not covered in newborn epidermis anymore either.
And if you’re wondering how you go about getting that thick skin, don’t. You don’t have to do anything.
Time, piling up more rejections, experience, writing lots, will all do that for you.
Like breaking in a new pair of running shoes, surviving the blister and developing a callous on your heel. It’s exactly the same thing.
Soon, you’ll be able to swallow jalapenos with impunity, stroll across sheets of burning coal, sleep on a bed of nails. Read a mean-spirited Amazon review.
You won’t feel a thing.
Or maybe just a twinge.
Let’s all try and cultivate some bright-eyed cynicism, shall we?
The crap will fall. It’s how we choose to deal with it that’s important.
Ah, those Amazon reviews…
Yep.
Forgive and forget, that's the way!
Forgiveness can be tricky, can't it? I find that sometimes it's appropriate to forgive a person, but no longer have them in my life, if that makes sense? They won't change, and I can wish them well but I don't need to be in their web of drama anymore. Best of luck as you get through this.
Forgiveness. The hardest part for me is getting past the disappointment. I've started to think less of how the person/situation might have disappointed me and more on if I had unrealistic expectations of the circumstances to begin with. I decided the answer for me was lowering the bar… not for myself, but in my expectations of others. I have extremely high standards for myself, but have finally learned that when someone disappoints me, I can't own that. That belongs to them alone. Of course that's more for personal disappointments than professional.
When it comes to writing, I finally trust my voice. My unique, crazy, pimp voice. I'll have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right agent or publisher, but I know when I do, as long as I'm real, honest, raw, and remain true to my unique style, it'll be a great match. Patience.
Thanks, Jo, for a great thought-provoking post. It is extremely fitting for my life right now.
Great advice. Thanks. It does help to know everybody who gets anywhere goes through it :).
Katherine, Jill, Jeanne and C.E.- Thanks for the comments. Funny how you can blog about something happening in your personal life and find applications for your writing life too.
Jeanne- honesty to one's self is a priceless quality yet hard to come by (honestly). Stick with it!